Tough Choices give me a headache!

Choice or stress headaches are a horrible thing!

Who was this man?

He is not particularly famous but has many interesting stories to tell. He was the ambassador to Portugal for a time. He was also the Governor of New Mexico for a little while. He was born in North Carolina and also served as a senator representing that state. Who was he?

Hey Aaron, whats up with the mole?

Aaron Neville is an older R & B singer who has a huge mole above his right eye. He has a very unique voice. I can honestly say I do not care for his music but he is very talented and has been blessed with a great voice. He has been very successful recently with his music and has plenty of money. So the question is: Why doesn't he get that thing removed from his face? Unlike Michael Jackson, Aaron actually does need plastic surgery yet he still has that monster growing on his face. I think I know why.



The answer is easy. He derives magical and mystical power from the Mole growing on his head. It acts as a "danger sensor" of sorts. It warns him of imminent danger and problems. It protects him from both physical and career harm. He went through nearly a 30 year hiatus while he was fine-tuning his ability to listen to his mole.

Unit Tests: Serious Business

About 18 months ago I was trying to motivate my development team to write more unit tests as part of the effort to improve code quality, testability, readability and many other things. I tried to never mandate a code coverage percentage. As a last resort I had a co-worker take the following photo. I tried to put on a mean face. I sent this photo out to the team. It was photoshopped and put on the internet within minutes. I think the photo had the opposite effect. Anyhow, I found it on my hard-drive and thought others would learn from my folly.

OFFICIAL Obama Inauguration Kit

OK folks. I thought long and hard about a white elephant gift for a recent family party. I knew that this would be a tough crowd. I also knew that there were going to be some creative and politically active folks there. So I also knew that there would be some Obama supporters there. So I came up with the idea of having a Obama inauguration kit. A special box filled with items one will need at the inauguration of the first president to ever be deposed by a federal prosecutor before taking office.



Here you can see the contents of the kit.


Pickled pig-feet will be a perfect snack for the many members of the southern poverty law center which will undoubtedly be there. This traditional southern delicacy will be sure to make everyone feel warm and welcome on a cold blustery place.


Grape soda to wash down the pig feet and pride you swallowed as you attend the white-guilt gala of the century.

This brush will get the nap right out of your head and ready to cheer and shout for the exciting and hot-air filled new president.

Everyone knows that Cheetos are a staple of the downtrodden and oppressed so pop open your sack of MSG, cheese powder and deep-fried flour.

These wrist-bands will have everyone in the crowd pumped and ready to celebrate Wilt Chamberlin style.

Last but not least we have a Doo Rag for everyone to wear while they cheer on Obama King and keep their hair in check from the blustery winter winds.

What does one do with a doo rag?

What is the purpose of a doo rag? You maybe wondering, what is a "Doo Rag"? It is the shiny thing the guy above is wearing. When I was in High School I actually asked a kid who wore one why he wore it. He simply responded: "It's my wave cap white boy!" To this day, I have absolutely no idea what that meant. I have been brainstorming on purposes for a Doo Rag. If you have any ideas please let me know. Here are mine:

1. Hides scars or other identifying markings.
2. Makes a bad hair day bearable.
3. Holds hair in place on a windy day.
4. Intimidates potential rivals.
5. Gang colors?
6. Part of the KFC uniform.
7. Increases aerodynamics? For running faster?
8. Some kind of quick release ski mask?
9. Used as a mask in case of chemical attack?
10. A way of identifying cousins?

Merry Christmas: From Hamas to Israel

The peace-loving, kind, good-natured, friendly and festive members of Hamas in the Gazastrip sent the civilians in Israel a few presents. You can see one of them being held above. I hope Israel returns the favor 100,000,000 times over.

Santa brought me a lump of coal

No Las Vegas Bowl trophy. Instead mediocrity on the football field. Getting beat by a bad team is even worse than just losing. Also in the cougar basketball game, the team was jobbed by the Refs at the buzzer. It is all Santa's fault! Santa, you suck!

Cougar wishlist - Las Vegas Bowl Trophy

I am asking Santa for a win tonight against the U of A wildcats. BYU is a better team and should win this game somewhat easily. We'll see.

Final decision on an Assault Rifle

I have been mulling over my choice for an assault rifle for the last several months. I have decided on the AR-15. This is the semi-automatic, civilian version of the M-16A2. This is the primary American infantry weapon and has been since the late 1960's. It was down to 3 weapons yesterday. The AK-47, the AR-15 and a Mini-30. In the end the deciding factor was weight of fire, carry weight, accuracy and durability. There are many factors in choosing an assault rifle. These were the most important to me. I could go on for pages and pages about the benefits and drawbacks of each weapon.

By The way: Merry CHRISTMAS!

Merry CHRISTMAS readers. I am very excited about the 25th of December. Not just because I get to have a day or two off, or because there are presents and lots of good food and lots of naps and sleeping. The main reason is because we celebrate the birth of the Redeemer of Mankind. We celebrate the good news. We celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. He is my older brother and friend. I strongly encourage you to get to know him. You can read about his miraculous birth, ministry, teachings, death, atonement and resurrection here and here.

Now it is time for the rant.

I am so sick of the politically correct crowd cramming Christ-free Christmas down my throat. I am absolutely disgusted with it. Our country was founded by people who came here seeking freedom, for the most part religious freedom. We are free to worship or not worship how we please. Nobody makes anyone go to any specific church or even believe in anything at all. There is NO state sponsored religion or denomination. However, we celebrate holidays. Most of those holidays have a huge religious significance. So when you are a marketing person at a company, don't make a "Winter Holiday" sale. If you are making a company newsletter don't reference a "End of year Holiday Period". When you are cold-calling my house trying to peddle your crap to me, DO NOT invite me to a special "Frosty Festival" sale.

Folks, its called Christmas. It is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. If that offends you or makes you uncomfortable, well, too bad. Its reality. I along with most normal Americans celebrate it. If you are a Jew, Hindu, Wiccan, Buddhist, Taoist, Zoroastrian or a Muslim and the word "Christmas" makes you feel bad or makes you feel somehow excluded, I don't care. You are the minority and we shouldn't have to abandon hundreds of years of tradition, belief and worship so you don't have 5 awkward seconds to say "I am not Christian". I have no problem with these other religions, in fact I respect them and in some cases admire them a great deal. Just realize this is America, where we celebrate Christ's birth. The main reason this country is so powerful, successful and blessed is because of the morality and righteousness of its people, the overwhelming majority of whom are Christians. If this bothers you, makes you feel guilty, makes you sad, makes you tired or anything else, I have a few ideas for you:


1. Leave the USA, emigrate to Cuba, Vietnam, Iraq, Saudi Arabia or some other place. See how you like it there.
2. Shut up and get over it.
3. Work through it: you can work a normal day on Christmas and treat it like any other day.
4. Make up your own holiday, some examples of this are the fake and fabricated holidays of Festivus and Kwanzaa. As lame, fake, pointless and absurd as these holidays are, at least the people who practice them don't attack Christmas.
5. Take the anti-sensitivity training course found here at Tent Trash.
6. Find a new hobby like gargling razorblades.
7. Maybe just maybe learn to be accepting of the primary culture of the country you are in.
8. Spend some time contributing at WikiPedia.
9. Contemplate your eternal existence.
10. Enter a Burqa beauty contest here.


Rant Over.

My Hero!

The guy in the photo arguing with the CSU fan is my hero. Can you see what is written on his arms? Do you like his headband? Also, who is that in the bottom right-hand corner of the photo?

The Human Mute Button

A few years ago, after years of embarrassing, annoying, frustrating and bothering my wife with my opinions, voice, bad jokes, poor singing voice, inappropriate comments at the worst time, lack of sensitivity and general stupid comments, my wife had a little button installed on my neck. It is a mute button. When she needs some peace and quiet, or just a break from my mouth, she pushes it. I keep talking, joking, ranting, singing or just muttering. I think everyone can hear me. Lucky for my wife, my mouth is moving but no sound comes out. This wonderful marriage saving device only cost my wife $19.95 on one of those late night commercials. She said it was: "The best money I have spent in a long, long, long time." If you want a close look at the button look here:



The only problem is that the button is wearing out and I will probably have to have a new one installed within a year or so. It is kind of embarrassing when she forgets to turn my voice back on and I go out in public. Once at a BYU football game after taunting the opposing team's fans and the officiating crew, my wife pressed the button shutting me up. On the way home I was mad about the game and got a speeding ticket. When the officer came to the window I was trying to plead my case but no sound was coming out. The officer made me get out of the car and pushed my button for me. He said: "Since you have been on mute all day, you must already be in enough trouble with your wife. I will let you go with a warning." I looked over at his neck and saw a mute button too. I knew I was not alone.

Tent Trash Christmas Questions

I love Christmas. It is my favorite holiday. I have wonderful Christmas memories from my childhood and even more from recent years. However, I have some questions about Christmas too. Please read them below and try and answer them please.



What in the heck is a "Yule Goat"? Apparently in Denmark Santa comes riding in on the scary looking goat you see above. Santa looks like some kind of demented Satan worshiper. Dang.! That is scary!




For the love of Christmas, why in the heck do people insist on putting Santa Claus in the nativity scene? Santa was not there. He is a creation of people's minds. He is fake, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP PUTTING HIM IN THE NATIVITY! We worship Jesus Christ, not Santa!



If you are going to be addicted to alcohol, please do not dress up like Santa, please do not work at a mall getting your photo with kids and please, please get some help for your problem. Why do a disproportionate number of old white men dress up like Santa and then drown their sorrows with a bottle?



Why do some Science-Fiction fans insist on recreating the Nativity with Dragons, Godzillas, Unicorns and other mythical creatures. It is just a little weird. Please stop!



I have always wondered why Neil Diamond [A Jewish Man] made a Christmas album? Can someone shed some light on this one for me? Don't get me wrong. I like Neil Diamond's music, I just could never figure out why he made a Christmas album. That would be like a Muslim making a Hanukkah Album. It just seems weird.

The newest faces of corruption in the Democrat party

Surely you have heard about the crooked Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich. He was indicted a few days ago for corruption, extortion, fraud and a few other felonies. Apparently the feds have this fellow on tape [the say they have 300 hours of tape] trying to sell Obama's senate seat as well as many, many other dirty and crooked acts. As of yet even though he is facing resounding calls for his head he is still holding on. Obama's senate seat was up for sale and he claims "he had not spoken to The Governor about it". Hmmm... I bet. The squeaky clean image around Obama King is starting to get really dirty really fast. I believe it will get much dirtier as this story continues to unfold. Apparently the son of race hustler Jesse Jackson: Jesse Jackson Jr. was actively courting Rod Blagojevich about the open seat. Funny stuff. More "squeaky clean" people will be going down. Just wait. Obama King knew a lot more than he is saying. What do the Obamaphiles say now that Obama King is already entangled in a mess and he isn't even in office yet?

Freak of The Week - Volume VI

It has been a few weeks since we have featured our Tent Trash Original "Freak of the Week". This week's feature has been nominated by several readers. No, it isn't Halloween, although this weeks winner dresses like everyday is Halloween. It is none other than the walking piece of human garbage known as "Boy George". The one time talented 1980's singer from the band "Culture Club" was recently been convicted of kidnapping and battery by a British court. However, Boy George is no stranger to brushes with the law. Last year he was in trouble in New York City for Cocaine possession and had to do 60 hours of community service. You can see him being humiliated sweeping the streets below:



I can honestly say I have no sympathy for this man. He will spend at least a few years in prison for his latest escapades. Hopefully he gets a cell-mate who likes his make-up and hair.



If you have someone in mind you would like to nominate for Freak of the Week, nominate someone in the comments area along with their notable behavior that would qualify them. If it isn't a public figure, email me a photo.

The Naughty Red Team

My 4 year old son was using one of those art programs on the computer that lets kids sketch pictures. You know the one's where they can pick different brushes and colors and things. Well the image you see above is his drawing. After he finished I asked what it was. He said: "The blue guy is a BYU man. The red guy is a 'naughty red team guy' and he is on fire!" This warmed my soul. My son is internalizing the fact the correct team to root for is the Blue team. The mighty BYU Cougars. He is also realizing who the enemy is: The Naughty Red team [University of Utah]. My wife was not very happy about this drawing and had a talk with our son about the dangers of fire and how we are BYU fans and not Utah haters. It was a fun night and a moment of great pride for me.

Arnold what happened?

He went from being The representative of the presidential Fitness award to being saggy, baggy and slow. Something supernatural created him and something even more sinister has destroyed him.

The Poor Aggies.....

BYU beat the Utah State Aggies Saturday at a neutral court. The poor Aggies. Ever since they got blown out by BYU in football a few months back I have heard taunts from the Aggie faithful about basketball. Well the game came and BYU led most of the game. At times it was close but in the end Utah State just didn't have a good enough team to out play even a BYU team on an off night. That's right, the Cougars had the worst night out in a long time and still managed to beat the pathetic Aggies. Lets be clear. The Aggies are a very good little team when they play at home in their safe little arena in Logan. But when they play outside of their safe little house they usually have a lot of problems. I am not sure if it has anything to do with the rural and redneckish nature that most of the Aggie faithful have, or the fact that they always undershcedule. Perhaps it has something to do with the goat farmer appearance of their coach? No one can be sure. The Cougars feasted on Cow that is one thing we can be sure of. Better luck next year Aggies.

Sickness Sucks

I am sick. I feel horrible. Whoever gave this to me.... Thanks....

The Pure Stupidity and Foolishness of the American Left

Ok Folks. You are about to read the most ridiculous statement made by an obviously stupid, naive and foolish news reader employed by MSNBC. This media outlet is one of the most left-leaning news organizations in the world. When I refer to "The American Left". I am referring to the moronic, politically correct crowd which are represented by the Main Stream Media. A reporter from MSNBC, a rather stupid and idiotic reporter named Alex Witt. You can see her dim-witted photo above, gave the following commentary in regard to the terrorist attacks in Mumbai India yesterday:

"You know, John, and it’s interesting because there are many who had such an optimistic and hopeful opinion of things, and you certainly can’t expect things to change [snaps fingers] on a dime overnight, but there are many who suggested that with the outgoing Bush administration and the incoming Obama administration there would be something of a lull in terrorism attacks. There had been such a global outpouring of affection, respect, hope, with the new administration coming in, that precisely these kinds of attacks, it was thought — at least hoped — would be dampered down. But in this case it looks like Barack Obama is getting a preview of things to come.

This woman's pure stupidity speaks for itself. Did this news-blonde actually believe that Radical Islamic extremists would stop trying to kill people just because Obama King won the election? This liberal group-think is unbelievable. Apparently the Left is completely and totally out of touch with reality.

Tangier Island

There is an island located in the northern part of the Chesapeake bay called Tangier Island. This is a fascinating place. I have visited there only once. About 12 years ago. The island for a long time [300 hundred years] was very isolated and the dialect of English spoken by the people there is extremely unusual. When I went there several of the older ladies sounded like they were speaking a cross between Shakespearean English and something from a bad episode of The Dukes of Hazzard. It was really weird. I took a ferry with some friends there my senior year in college one weekend. We camped on a beach under the stars. Some people felt sorry for us and invited us to sleep in their home. We did and they made us a big breakfast with crab cakes and all kinds of cool biscuits and jellies. It was really a fun weekend. If you ever get a chance you should visit Tangier Island.

NY Times’ Politically Correct Coverage of Mumbai Massacre

By Don Feder
Monday December 1, 2008

In a series of six alleged “news” stories on the Mumbai massacre, from November 27 to December 1, The New York Times (America’s newspaper which sounds like a broken record) refused to call the terrorists Muslims or Islamic extremists.

The killers were variously described as “terrorists,” “gunmen,” “militants’ and “assailants,” but never Muslims. The only time readers could catch a glimpse of the terrorists’ motivation was when the paper quoted them directly - as when they complained about the treatment of Muslims in India and the Kashmir or called for the release of “mujahedeen prisoners.”

The Times adamantly refuses to recognize a connection between Islam and worldwide terrorism, even though most terrorist acts are committed by Muslims, terrorist groups have names like jihad-this and Islamic-that, and terrorists regularly quote the Koran’s kill-the-infidels verses.

Collectively, this constitutes the greatest denial of reality in the history of journalism.

That aside, The Times frequently got the facts wrong or omitted important details. In a November 30 story, the paper described the murders as “indiscriminate.”

Hardly. When a Turkish couple told their captors they were Muslims, they were immediately released. The terrorists targeted Mumbai’s Chabad House (a center of Jewish activity in the city) for one reason and one reason only - they wanted to kill Jews.

The only terrorist captured by Indian commandos said he and his comrades were told to target foreigners (particularly Americans and Brits) and Jews. Indiscriminate, did you say?

In thousands of words of coverage, The New York Times never mentioned that victims’ bodies frequently bore the marks of torture. One of the doctors who performed post-mortems was quoted on the Indian news website Rediff.com as saying “of all the bodies, the Israeli victims bore the maximum torture marks.”

For news of the latest developments in the terrorist war on civilization, the last place you want to look is The New York Times.

Bigfoot Sighting Re-Creation

Yesterday at church someone brought up "Cain Sightings" in part of the discussion about the "Last days". Thankfully the teacher quickly moved on and tried to ignore the completely inappropriate question. Since this individual has been known to ask crazy questions I asked this person more about this question. I was directed to a website that shows the picture above. This person also told me that the Roger Patterson film, was proof that Cain still wanders the earth. This seemed pretty bizarre but slightly plausible so I post here asking for input.