Pseudo-Intellectuals and their symptoms

I have been annoyed lately by a class of people who I will only refer to as "pseudo" or "pretend" intellectuals. They are becoming more and more annoying. How do you know when you know one? Check the signs below.


1. One who attempts to flex intellectual muscle that does not exist within his or her own mind.
2. They create wildly complicated job or position titles for themselves, only to later reveal they are unemployed or underemployed.
3. Can probably be found with a thesaurus in hand, while posting on facebook, twitter or blogger, looking up new insults that are synonymous with "stupid" in order to boost his or her own undeserved ego.
4. Typical cases of pseudo-intellectualism involve prepubescent 15 year old that think they have everything figured out, including, but not limited to: philosophy, socioeconomic, destiny of humanity, life, religion, politics, education, relationship issues. Ironically, they have never quite experienced or been successful with any of the aforementioned.
5. Acting "eccentric" to differentiate themselves from the masses as to seem unique, even though their kind are quite common. Then, they consistently criticizing members of a religion, community or family the used to belong too. When asked a serious intellectual question they give a blank stare.
6. A person who is controversial for the sake of being controversial. Typically a hypocrite; creates many, many contradictions.
7. Always ends a lame "argument" with, "I win, so shut up." Win what, idiot? Your opinions weren't fact in the first place.
8. Somebody that tries too hard to not be "typical" by saying they like whatever isn't the trend.
9. They intentionally try and "shock" people by doing something mildly controversial that they would normally never do, only for the sake of the "shock value" in the end, they always just end up looking stupid.
10. They question, or do not believe in the existence of God, because being an atheist makes them feel rebellious, distinctive, and "smart". But, these pseudo-intellectuals believe in God only during the festive season or in times of trial.
11. A pseudo-intellectual is someone who is too stupid to realize they are a pseudo-intellectual. This person is well armed with defense mechanisms, is extremely caustic and passive aggressive in the interest of protecting and preserving their delusions of grandeur.